Hi, My name is Koneko I am 18 years old and my childhood and adolescence was far from being the easiest.
I was physiologically and physically abused by my father ever since the age of 2, my parents would always fight, if my memory serves me correct I believe it got physical at times. I became very angry and aggressive. This was a concern for everyone, up to the point where parents wouldn't let their children attend my birthday party at age 3 even after they told my parents they would (they never showed up, none of them.). At the age of four I had to go to therapy for my aggressiveness, when the kids and teachers found out in preschool, i was isolated and treated as inferior.
Things got worse when I started school, I was bullied nearly everyday by both teachers and kids because i was "weird" and because I was french (the school was mainly Italian.)I was also bullied because I had no computer or internet access in my home till the age of 16 and a half. (I grew up in a poor household, and my dad never liked that stuff. We only had one paycheck coming in and it was my mom's.) Believe it or not, I felt safer at school rather then at home, my dad would make me cry everyday. (Mostly when it came to helping me with homework he would hit me multiple times, sometimes to the point where I bled). My mother never did anything to help, and I was afraid to the call the cops because my dad was a drug user, and he warned me that if I ever told anyone what he did or called the cops on him he would kill me.(Believe me he meant it.)
I started Puberty around the age of 8, I started developing breasts and a face covered in acne, the kids said that i was dirty (my hair got very greasy and i got a bit of body stench) and said that i never wash my face. The teachers didn't do anything, in fact they agreed with the kids. When I told the teachers that kids were bullying me they gave them the slap on the hand, when I fought back I was facing detention and sever punishment. I never had a true friend who wouldn't back stab me, so I was left all alone with no proof.
One day when I was 10, a teacher stood up for me and had proof that I wasn't doing anything wrong, she got fired because it wasn't what the principle "said it was".
Near the end of my elementary school I was called a stuffer because I had more breasts then any of the other girls, my acne went from bad to worse and it was another excuse to laugh at me. By that time, the DPJ was involved (the school called because i came into school crying at times.)
My dad was furious, he took away nearly everything I had to pass the time at home. (They were called twice but I was forced to put on an act) I had no escapes, I tried to kill myself on more then one occasion, it either didn't work, or my dad caught me and gave me a beating. That's when I really started beating myself up.
Junior high was the worst, I had gotten head lice during the summer so my hair was cut short. I hated the way I looked, I was skinny, pale, face red due to acne, and a not so great hair style. I had started dating behind my parents back (they were super over protective.) I needed a male I could talk too since my father wasn't a person I really felt comfortable with.
I was called a slut, a whore, ugly, ect. Kids crowded up at my locker just to laugh at me. I had a few good friends, but these kids told them that I was spreading rumors behind their backs (which wasn't at all true, lucky I didn't lose any).
I ended up in an abusive relationship by the end of secondary 1, when I left him, he started threatening me. I told the teachers but none of them did anything. I dated another guy (not at all my type, but just to feel safe.) I was ganged up on every lunch hour and after school while waiting for my dad to come pick me up. I tried to kill myself again, I tried running away from home just to be beaten on the head. I had no escaping it.
Things were bad in high school too, but not as bad if you ask me (well at least in school. The teachers would stand up for me at least.) I had more friends, and I felt invincible, I hated the bullying but at least I had friends.
In sec 3 I met a guy, he had some problems too. We became friends, but I was an art slave to him, he would follow me around, he showed up at my classes a couple time reminding me to call him that night. (People thought we were dating.)Once my friend stood up for me and he tried to hurt us. I didn't want to forgive him, but my dad beat me till I did. (See he liked that boy. But the guy did change at least.)
That same year I started dating a 28 year old man, he immigrated from China. I fell madly in love with him, and he said he felt the same for me. I needed a fatherly figure in my life, and my hormones wanted sex so badly. When the school found out he was coming by the school to see me at lunch, they called the cops. I tried to keep contact with him but I simply couldn't. I got depressed and my already existing anxiety got worse. (Sometimes even today I wish he was still around.)
Secondary 4 was one of the hardest academic and home years of my life. I was in an enriched math and science option and I believe that I had more work to do then, then I do now in Cegep. All my grades were suffering, I couldn't eat anymore cause I would throw up due to stress.
One day, I received a corrected math test, I failed it with a 42% after I studied for a whole 2 weeks non stop. I ripped it up, when my mother saw the pieces in my school bag she flipped and told my dad, he punched me in the head and they forced me to tape all the tiny pieces back together. After about 2 hours, I threw it on the floor and said screw it. My da came into my room, threw me down on the floor and beat me to a pulp, I had bruises everywhere and a bloody lip. (My mom even helped hold me down.) I got so aggravated that night that I threatened that I would call the cops the next day. At these words my father's hands were rapped around my throat. He was squeezing the air ways with his thumbs. I tried to fight back until the point where no oxygen was going in or out of my body. I was very light headed when he finally let go of me, and my throat hurt for 3 days.
That same year I met my fiancee, he one of the first people to fully understand me. He promised to make sure my dad never hurts me again physically. Once my dad did meet him, the beatings stopped almost completely. He does everything he can for me and I am so grateful to have him by my side.
Today, I am attending Cegep,I am studying to become a graphic/web designer (despite the disadvantage I had as a child. I am an artist and i am proud) the bullying has almost completely stopped, my home problems are still bad, but not like before, I have a great man at my side every step of the way. I still have anger problems and i still beat myself up every now and then but I am seeking help.
I am happy I lived this long despite what some people said to me back in high school. If I can survive a beaten up home and a school full of bullies, you can survive your ordeal too. Don't give up
Its not over yet, you have plenty to live for.