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February 28, 2013
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My Story

Hi, My name is Koneko I am 18 years old and my childhood and adolescence was far from being the easiest.
I was physiologically and physically abused by my father ever since the age of 2, my parents would always fight, if my memory serves me correct I believe it got physical at times. I became very angry and aggressive. This was a concern for everyone, up to the point where parents wouldn't let their children attend my birthday party at age 3 even after they told my parents they would (they never showed up, none of them.). At the age of four I had to go to therapy for my aggressiveness, when the kids and teachers found out in preschool, i was isolated and treated as inferior.

Things got worse when I started school, I was bullied nearly everyday by both teachers and kids because i was "weird" and because I was french (the school was mainly Italian.)I was also bullied because I had no computer or internet access in my home till the age of 16 and a half. (I grew up in a poor household, and my dad never liked that stuff. We only had one paycheck coming in and it was my mom's.)  Believe it or not, I felt safer at school rather then at home, my dad would make me cry everyday. (Mostly when it came to helping me with homework he would hit me multiple times, sometimes to the point where I bled). My mother never did anything to help, and I was afraid to the call the cops because my dad was a drug user, and he warned me that if I ever told anyone what he did or called the cops on him he would kill me.(Believe me he meant it.)

I started Puberty around the age of 8, I started developing breasts and a face covered in acne, the kids said that i was dirty (my hair got very greasy and i got a bit of body stench) and said that i never wash my face. The teachers didn't do anything, in fact they agreed with the kids. When I told the teachers that kids were bullying me they gave them the slap on the hand, when I fought back I was facing detention and sever punishment. I never had a true friend who wouldn't back stab me, so I was left all alone with no proof.

One day when I was 10, a teacher stood up for me and had proof that I wasn't doing anything wrong, she got fired because it wasn't what the principle "said it was".

Near the end of my elementary school I was called a stuffer because I had more breasts then any of the other girls, my acne went from bad to worse and it was another excuse to laugh at me. By that time, the DPJ was involved (the school called because i came into school crying at times.)
My dad was furious, he took away nearly everything I had to pass the time at home. (They were called twice but I was forced to put on an act) I had no escapes, I tried to kill myself on more then one occasion, it either didn't work, or my dad caught me and gave me a beating. That's when I really started beating myself up.

Junior high was the worst, I had gotten head lice during the summer so my hair was cut short. I hated the way I looked, I was skinny, pale, face red due to acne, and a not so great hair style. I had started dating behind my parents back (they were super over protective.) I needed a male I could talk too since my father wasn't a person I really felt comfortable with.
I was called a slut, a whore, ugly, ect. Kids crowded up at my locker just to laugh at me. I had a few good friends, but these kids told them that I was spreading rumors behind their backs (which wasn't at all true, lucky I didn't lose any).
I ended up in an abusive relationship by the end of secondary 1, when I left him, he started threatening me. I told the teachers but none of them did anything. I dated another guy (not at all my type, but just to feel safe.) I was ganged up on every lunch hour and after school while waiting for my dad to come pick me up. I tried to kill myself again, I tried running away from home just to be beaten on the head. I had no escaping it.

Things were bad in high school too, but not as bad if you ask me (well at least in school. The teachers would stand up for me at least.) I had more friends, and I felt invincible, I hated the bullying but at least I had friends.

In sec 3 I met a guy, he had some problems too. We became friends, but I was an art slave to him, he would follow me around, he showed up at my classes a couple time reminding me to call him that night. (People thought we were dating.)Once my friend stood up for me and he tried to hurt us. I didn't want to forgive him, but my dad beat me till I did. (See he liked that boy. But the guy did change at least.)
That same year I started dating a 28 year old man, he immigrated from China. I fell madly in love with him, and he said he felt the same for me. I needed a fatherly figure in my life, and my hormones wanted sex so badly. When the school found out he was coming by the school to see me at lunch, they called the cops. I tried to keep contact with him but I simply couldn't. I got depressed and my already existing anxiety got worse. (Sometimes even today I wish he was still around.)

Secondary 4 was one of the hardest academic and home years of my life. I was in an enriched math and science option and I believe that I had more work to do then, then I do now in Cegep.  All my grades were suffering, I couldn't eat anymore cause I would throw up due to stress.

One day, I received a corrected math test, I failed it with a 42% after I studied for a whole 2 weeks non stop. I ripped it up, when my mother saw the pieces in my school bag she flipped and told my dad, he punched me in the head and they forced me to tape all the tiny pieces back together. After about 2 hours, I threw it on the floor and said screw it. My da came into my room, threw me down on the floor and beat me to a pulp, I had bruises everywhere and a bloody lip. (My mom even helped hold me down.) I got so aggravated that night that I threatened that I would call the cops the next day. At these words my father's hands were rapped around my throat. He was squeezing the air ways with his thumbs. I tried to fight back until the point where no oxygen was going in or out of my body. I was very light headed when he finally let go of me, and my throat hurt for 3 days.

That same year I met my fiancee, he one of the first people to fully understand me. He promised to make sure my dad never hurts me again physically. Once my dad did meet him, the beatings stopped almost completely. He does everything he can for me and I am so grateful to have him by my side.

Today, I am attending Cegep,I am studying to become a graphic/web designer (despite the disadvantage I had as a child. I am an artist and i am proud) the bullying has almost completely stopped, my home problems are still bad, but not like before, I have a great man at my side every step of the way. I still have anger problems and i still beat myself up every now and then but I am seeking help.

I am happy I lived this long despite what some people said to me back in high school. If I can survive a beaten up home and a school full of bullies, you can survive your ordeal too. Don't give up ;) Its not over yet, you have plenty to live for.
A lot of you probably think, that you know me, but not many people do.
This is also for those who just see me as an object, (not naming anyone) I am a person and here is my story.
I don't really write much, but I think its time that everyone knows the truth.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrichartedigital:
richartedigital Featured By Owner May 23, 2014  Student Photographer
You are survivor indeed! Sometimes it takes all the strength in the world to undress your soul. I hope and wish, your past tears become lots of laughter and joy in days to come. Keep on fighting because cruelty never gets old, but rewards are waiting for you wherever least expected. Blessings! 
Reply
:iconimtheartisan:
imtheartisan Featured By Owner May 7, 2014
English is not even my third language... I find your story very surreal. I look at your photos and find you as a very strong and beautiful woman and I feel happy for you, reborn as phoenix and found this special guy. Everyone deserves to love and receive love from the others.
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner May 21, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks :) 
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:iconvoltar123:
Voltar123 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2014
You are an amazing person I can only say  we have similar stories and the hardest thing for me is breaking the cycle of anger but since I now have my own family being strong for them is my biggest motivation.  I hope and pray for all the best as you continue in your journey!!!
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Student General Artist
thanks :)
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:iconpuntosmx:
Puntosmx Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014
Thanks for sharing your story. And hope it all continues getting better :)
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2014  Student General Artist
It hasn't been recently but I sure hope it does get better.
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:icongaia-thedragonmaster:
gaia-thedragonmaster Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2013
congratulations on getting though that hell...
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Thanks
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:iconfering:
Fering Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013
Its good to see that you have grown into a mature women able to stand on your own. The people who were suppose to protect you when you were a child failed too many times.
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Student General Artist
Thanks. But my parents were extremely over protective of me, I couldn't go out with friends or anything.
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:iconfering:
Fering Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2013
Your welcome
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:iconjasonflynn:
jasonflynn Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I learned long ago that people are like books, each and everyone of us have a story. Sometimes we judge a book by it's cover without even bothering to turn the first page; sometimes we can't be bothered and we leave it on a shelf and think of it as a book instead of the epic, rousing, inspirational tale that it is. It's this reason why I enjoy art, it often affords one a truer sense of hides behind a pair of eyes. Take for example Beethoven's 5th - to some? It's just music. To others? We wonder what was inside of him that compelled him to write this.

I'm sorry that your story had started off so sadly. At a time of your life when you needed love and security, you must have been frightened an awful lot, and that's horrible to think of anyone - let alone a child - having to bear that burden. It's good that you were strong enough to overcome that kind of beginning, but the truth is you never should have had to endure that kind of pain. I'm glad that you were able to meet someone who made life a little brighter and your story has become a bit brighter and happier. I sincerely hope that for the remainder of your time here on this Earth, the good stuff outnumbers the bad. Thank you for sharing, most wouldn't have the courage to. Cheers
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Student General Artist
I am happy I shared this story.
Thank you for all the wonderful things you said to me.
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:iconjasonflynn:
jasonflynn Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
You're welcome :)
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:iconpoet-of-the-north:
Poet-of-the-North Featured By Owner May 19, 2013
Thats amazing that you can be so honest like that. Im glad to get to chat with you. Hopefully things continue to improve.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner May 19, 2013  Student General Artist
I hope so too
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:iconcrying-wolve:
Crying-Wolve Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is the kind of stuff that makes me belive theres a god in this world, when someones life can be bleak and tortured but in the end they come out to be a better person because of it, it takes a strong soul to come out through any harsh life and an even stronger soul to go through the life you have had, you are a stronger soul then many who have given up with less and you should be proud of who you are what you do and what you love, there is a God in this world if such a past can happen and the present be so much better and leave the future to be so so much brighter
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student General Artist
your too kind. thank you :)
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:iconcrying-wolve:
Crying-Wolve Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
your welcome, I do hope life continues to only get better for you and that you stay a phenominal artsit and model
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks i hope so too
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:iconhypnoticvampire19:
HypnoticVampire19 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
mcr lives in my blood as i know you will carry on and prove everyone wrong that we can make it out of this pain i am sorry i know actually how u feel been 22 years and nine friends dead of mine of guilty life trying to stop bullying. now 19 years of attempts and five death experience i know the pain
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Student General Artist
wait, you actually died? like heart stopping? (in reality not in the castle.)
Reply
:iconhypnoticvampire19:
HypnoticVampire19 Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
yeah i actually died four times heart stopped saw light and dead friends as i came back to life and woke up like nothing happen. i have scars and wounds where I took my self out :( please dont lose your hope i am not going to leave i have to help others carry on as my life was given back to me one last time.
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student General Artist
wow thats deep
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:iconhypnoticvampire19:
HypnoticVampire19 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i hope you can carry on my dear
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student General Artist
i hope so too
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:iconhypnoticvampire19:
HypnoticVampire19 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i am here if you need to talk I done it all seen it all and lived it all. I am here sweetie promise
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks, i appreciate that :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmikeart03a:
mikeart03a Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow... kinda harsh there. That being said, I know how you feel in some ways. The school system in Quebec is pretty rough as it is, especially in high school. I was one of those 'weird' kids myself and was tormented as well. But you have to look past it all and keep on truckin', I had some behavioral issues as well as a kid (aggression mostly), but I count myself as one of the lucky few whose parents took notice and got me the help I needed and supported me every step of the way.

I'm not pretending that I know you, but I can relate in some levels. Congrats on getting into CEGEP, hell I took the same course you are (New Media and Publication Design) at Heritage College in Gatineau, QC. :P

Hope the best for ya and congrats on finding a great guy.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Student General Artist
no i am at Vanier college in the hypermedia department.
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:iconabhishekghosh:
AbhishekGhosh Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Actually when cruel peoples get somehow closer, it becomes difficult to live for the attacked person.
If you need help from International Women Rights, I can redirect you to that woman.
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:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student General Artist
i would really like that :)
Reply
:iconabhishekghosh:
AbhishekGhosh Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I am sending the links via notes.

Have a nice Womens day - [link]
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Student General Artist
thank you
Reply
:iconputica:
Putica Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Professional Artist
It is a sad history but I am sure it makes you strong.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student General Artist
sometimes yes and no
Reply
:iconputica:
Putica Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Professional Artist
You are strong.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks
Reply
:iconputica:
Putica Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Professional Artist
You are welcome, Grace.
Reply
:icontheinternetsnemfx:
TheInternetsNemFX Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013
:( *hugs*
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks
Reply
:icontheinternetsnemfx:
TheInternetsNemFX Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
anytime
Reply
:iconelgarajederojo:
Elgarajederojo Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Aww it's really a sad story... I'm really sorry to hear that, :( but I'm glad that you overcome all those hardships and became a pretty young lady with a beloved fiancee :)
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student General Artist
thanks :)
Reply
:iconblackbatgraphics:
blackbatgraphics Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional General Artist
AS for what you went through your not alone. I too suffered at the hands of my father. Both mental and physical abuse. My mother never divorced him. I'm now 39 and live with a great woman who is the greatest person in my life. She's my rock my true supporter in all things. She's even seen what I had to go through by seeing it first hand. My father went from one addiction to another and 18 years ago started on alcohol. He was just diagnosed with brain tumors..when asked by my fiance how I felt I said i don't really have and feelings towards it. Not that I feel numb but I also am not saddened by it. In the past 3 years my relationship has gotten better but nowhere that i feel like I should. I still struggle with my demons everyday. I know that his time is short. In short do whatever you can to make it out of your bad situation and move on.I felt that every day was another slipping by that I could have lived a better life. I am now living a better life not being in a toxic home. Keep up your art it's what makes you strong.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Student General Artist
im glad we can relate to each other :hug:
Reply
:iconblackbatgraphics:
blackbatgraphics Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013  Professional General Artist
I know there are many of us out there. Some are still too afraid of what has happened. I think it's important to move forward and not let the past control our futures.
Reply
:icongothic-manga09:
gothic-manga09 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Student General Artist
i try to do that as much as i can, but sometimes i feel as if i am turning out like my dad
Reply
:iconmozer1a0x:
mozer1a0x Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very beautiful portrait to go along with your story - to gaze upon your beauty and poise, its hard to imaging that you went through such terrible stuff
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